drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize