sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
