He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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