This is not my ceiling
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
