boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
