she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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