Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
