Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
