Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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