Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
