Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
