a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize