Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
