I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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