I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
