Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
