I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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