All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
