remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They took my balls.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
