Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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