true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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