hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
