I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize