Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
