Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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