yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
