i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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