CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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