Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
