So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize