i think my tv is drunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
