nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
