You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
