Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
