it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
