he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
