Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize