when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
