Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
