I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize