so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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