Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
