Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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