I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize