just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize