People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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