I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
