is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize