I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize