Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
