I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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