boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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