Fuck appropriateness.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
