I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
