So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
