Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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