did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
