I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
