I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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