I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
