I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You made out with two different species that night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So vagazzling was a success
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
