We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
