I wish my penis had an off switch
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Come on in and take your pants off
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