dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
