what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you win again, gameday.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
